|[Posted on Facebook just now:]
Hey Everyone! I am SOOOOOOO out of the loop when it comes to social media. Just not my thang, I guess -- though I kind of want it to be, because I miss being in touch with people and knowing what you all are doing with your lives...For example, I had absolutely no idea that some of you have gotten married, had kids, changed careers, all kinds of good or not so good stuff. I am sorry that I have been out of touch for so long.
Anyway, I want to ask a strange and specific question, for those among you who might read this post and feel inclined to respond. Thanks in advance for any insights. Let me briefly explain...
Something that I have realized for a while now is that I am not nearly as funny as I used to be -- life just seems so serious and I feel really bogged down with financial concerns and disappointment in myself that I am not married with kids yet; and that I gave up on my singing before I achieved some kind of fame as a performer / recording artist; and that I need to delay my Chinese studies in Hong Kong for another year while I first pay off some credit card debt.
I am trying to figure out at what point I lost my sense of humor about life, and about MY LIFE in particular. I feel like "before" (by this, I mean, maybe 8-10 years ago and before that), I laughed out loud A LOT, about everything -- and everything in my life seemed like a big exciting adventure full of FUN and full of a very deep, "human," poignant, POSITIVE kind of humor about the absurdity of "it all."
Now, not so much.
I can trace when and how this happened -- starting with my behind the scenes music business job that I held from 2007-2014; through putting aside my singing career 8 years ago; to shifting to an intellectual curiosity about languages and Chinese instead of the musical and artistic creative curiosity that had been my sole reason for existence from ages 19 to 35; to a bunch of deaths in my family and support network from 2014-2016.
I can trace what happened, but I cannot figure out why...
Anywho, my question is this:
WHAT MADE ME SO FUNNY, WHEN I WAS FUNNY?
WHAT MADE MY STORIES THAT I USED TO TELL SO FUNNY AND WHAT WAS SPECIAL ABOUT MY VIEW OF THE WORLD AND MY "CHARISMA" THAT I COMMUNICATED TO MY FRIENDS AND OTHERS THAT MADE PEOPLE SMILE?
BECAUSE WHEN I USED TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE SMILE, I USED TO MAKE MYSELF SMILE AS WELL. I WOULD LIKE TO ADD THIS MISSING INGREDIENT BACK INTO MY LIFE AT AGE ALMOST 45.
The good news is that I am singing again, though I haven't "done anything" with it yet -- other than practicing and taking lessons. I am guessing that returning to singing and music will be a big part of me feeling fun and funny again. Time will tell...
Thanks in advance for any thoughts, and super best wishes to everyone out there in Social Medialand!